I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
