i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
