My balls are so social today.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
dude. I can hear the air.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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