He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
