So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
