i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
