All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
