wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my sisters under your porch take her home
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The feeling are messing with the penis
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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