Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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