you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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