ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
