Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i think im in europe. pls send help
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