Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
