You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
