I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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