apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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