He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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