My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
