fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
