im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm bleeding and have questions
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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