if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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