woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i now understand why vodka
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
