she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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