Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
"it" just moved
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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