You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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