booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
