note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
