that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
