there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
