I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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