So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
