he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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