you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
