he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
