Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize