Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think I died a long time ago.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
