at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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