Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
