All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
