Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
