i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
