gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
