when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
40s are totally the cure
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
