Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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