Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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