I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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