The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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