My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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