I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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