I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
