he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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