I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize