Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
