Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
