evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
