I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
