Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
