She is in my trunk
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
