I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
