My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How external is "for external use only"?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
