Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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