I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
