There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
