I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize