I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize