An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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