I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
