This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
