I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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